Staying Awhile

Note: Here's a bit of a departure from my normal what/where/when style; this is mostly reflection and commentary at the end of the summer. Let me know what you think (whether this is boring or interesting), I'll fill you in on the details of Texas and Louisiana soon!



When I was in school or working I had to plan out my life. Well, it was planned very well for me. Now, there really aren't any milestones on the horizon at all. It's a strange thing to do to your mind, and I've found I can only do it for so long, until I plant a point out there to get to, whether it's being in Louisiana on Saturday or planning a cross-country bike trip next summer. That doesn't mean it's actually going to happen; life is unpredictable, everyone knows that. Trying to plan your future too much is a mistake; even more so when travelling. Most people get used to some uncertainty about the future; you have to. I'm trying to get used to complete uncertainty about the future. Everything becomes exciting when you let go of that security and admit you have no idea what you're going to do and just see what happens. I'm still trying to do that. Trying to stop planning a way to get back to a place I recognize and just completely let go, enjoy the ride, and see where life takes me. It always seems to be somewhere better than I could have planned anyway. I definitely feel a lot less constrained to only a few possibilities for the future. There's the other side of it tho; sometimes it can get pretty overwhelming if you genuinely let all the possibilities in. But those possibilities all actually exist, whether you want to recognize it or not. So, overwhelming as it may be, I'm trying to realize them and stop confining myself to such a narrow future by not adhering to the implied middle-class American constraints of following a definite white-collar career path, settling down, spending money, buying a house with a white picket fence... I could do that, sure, but I'm out for something more interesting, and I hope, more likely to make me happy.



That said, I'm finding I can only live like this for so long, at least in one dose. I'm meeting tons of new people, having ups and downs and all kinds of interesting experiences, but, aside from Robert, nobody can relate to them. My new friends and experiences are spread all over the place, and none of them have any context for who I am either. Even simple things add up, like not having a routine. Maybe I had too much of a routine before, but now I have nothing! I'd like to be able to take a shower when I want to, sleep in a bed where I'm not worried about the police running me off, go to the gym, get back into good running shape, watch TV, have an apartment, meet some friends for dinner, actually have real relationships with people for more than a few days, and do some work and feel productive. I need to take some time and just enjoy being in one place for a while. I'll take some time to reflect and then just decide where I'm going from here; no need to over-think it. More travelling, re-entering the workforce, grad school, or starting something completely new... these are all things I'm interested in, I'm just not sure how much, in what respect, or in what order... One step at a time.

On the practical side of things, Robert has decided to spend the winter in Richmond. He'll be back in late October. I'll get some part-time work over the winter somewhere (either NC or somewhere new depending on how I feel after a good dose of the East Coast). I'm looking forward to staying in one spot for a little while, wherever it is. Generally just being able to appreciate a lot of things that are impossible to do on the road. But then I'm going to wander some more. Not sure where yet, but here are some ideas I have for next year:

- cross-country bicycle ride (maybe I can convince Mikey to go with me)
- hiking the John Muir Trail thru the High Sierra (probably solo, to do some thinking)
- entering Zion in Utah thru the Virgin River Narrows Canyon (some other Jaskots involved?)
- mountain biking tour of the American SW
- driving a slow lap around the Great Lakes (if Canada will let me in...)


"Like the old joke about hitting yourself with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop, so part of the vagabond life is staying somewhere awhile." - Ed Buryn, Vagabonding in America, 1973

152 Days
23,965mi